In the ongoing murder trial of Lindsay Clancy in Plymouth Superior Court, Mᴀssachusetts, jurors have been presented with raw, intimate excerpts from the private journals she kept in the months leading up to the deaths of her three young children. These writings, recovered by investigators from the family’s home in Duxbury, offer one of the clearest windows yet into the escalating distress she experienced as a new mother struggling with severe anxiety, guilt, insomnia, and a profound sense of disconnection.

Clancy, a former labor and delivery nurse, is charged with three counts of first-degree murder in the January 24, 2023, deaths of her daughter Cora, age 5, and sons Dawson, age 3, and Callan, who was eight months old. After the children were found strangled with exercise bands in the basement of the family home, Clancy cut her wrists and neck and jumped from a second-story window. She survived but was left paralyzed from the waist down. She has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity, with her defense arguing that she was suffering from postpartum psychosis and was not criminally responsible for her actions. Prosecutors maintain that she acted deliberately and understood what she was doing.

Multiple notebooks were entered into evidence. One was a “Tree of Life” artisan journal. Another was labeled with Callan’s full name and largely contained detailed daily schedules for the infant, including feeding and nap times, along with notes intended for a nanny. A third covered a period from mid-October 2022 through mid-January 2023. State Police Trooper Cory Melo, who helped search the home and later reviewed the journals, and defense attorney Kevin Reddington both read pᴀssages aloud to the jury.

The entries repeatedly return to the same themes: overwhelming responsibility for three young children, intense guilt over sleep-training her youngest son, constant worry that he might become overtired or ill, and a growing sense that she was losing her ability to function.

One of the most frequently cited pᴀssages describes the emotional impact of sleep training. Clancy wrote that allowing Callan to cry for more than an hour without intervening “just about killed me.” She added that she told her husband, Patrick, the words “I want to die” while the baby was crying. After that experience, she became “obsessed” with the infant’s sleep and nap schedule “to the minute.” She later questioned whether she had begun the process too early or when the baby was already overtired, writing that she felt she had “done it wrong.”

Other entries capture a broader sense of drowning under the demands of motherhood. “I’m completely overwhelmed trying to take care of the three kids. I feel like I’m drowning every day,” she wrote in one undated pᴀssage. In a November 18, 2022, entry she described a desperate desire for relief: “It’s like I’m so desperate to get a mental break from taking care of everyone that my mind is trying to make something physically wrong with me.” She continued that her “mind never shuts off” and was “constantly thinking of the next thing someone needs.”

Clancy also documented physical and cognitive symptoms. She wrote of “horrible insomnia and anxiety which is causing depression,” loss of appeтιтe, and “crazy brain fog” that left her feeling unable to make or carry out plans. She described living “moment to moment, waiting for the next nap time,” and expressed fear that she would be unable to function when she returned to work as a nurse at Mᴀssachusetts General Hospital. She noted feeling disconnected from her baby, from herself, and from her husband, and recorded guilt over stopping breastfeeding in an effort to protect her own mental health. In several places she pleaded for help: “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want help. I want to be well.”

Alongside the personal journals, investigators found a book тιтled Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts and informational materials about postpartum anxiety and depression. Clancy also maintained a detailed medication log in which she recorded dosages of psychiatric drugs and the side effects and mood changes she experienced. Defense attorneys have emphasized that she saw multiple doctors and was prescribed a range of medications over a relatively short period in the months before the killings.

The diary entries form only part of the evidence presented so far. Medical witnesses have testified about Clancy’s condition in the days after the incident. One psychiatrist who evaluated her while she was still intubated reported that she wrote the word “horrified” when asked about her mood and asked whether she had an attorney, whether her body was broken, and whether her legs were straight. That doctor stated she observed no clear signs of psychosis during the short evaluation. Other medical staff, however, discussed the possibility of postpartum psychosis among themselves. A later treating psychiatrist noted that people experiencing psychosis can still make plans and communicate normally.

As of early August 2026 the trial remains underway. Clancy recently addressed the court directly for the first time, agreeing to certain factual stipulations that are expected to reduce the number of forensic witnesses required and potentially shorten the proceedings. Testimony has continued with the family’s former nanny, DNA and toxicology experts, bloodstain analysis, and further medical providers. The central question for the jury is whether Clancy’s mental state at the time of the killings met the legal standard for criminal responsibility.

The journals do not resolve that question on their own. What they do provide is a contemporaneous record of a mother describing, in her own words, a deepening sense of overwhelm, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion in the months before an irreversible tragedy.

Sources: https://www.dailymail.com/crime-desk/article-16025881/lindsay-clancy-trial-diary.html