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Elle Macpherson is getting candid about her past struggles with alcohol.

The Australian supermodel and actress, 60, details in her new book, Elle: Life, Lessons, and Learning to Trust Yourself, published Tuesday, November 19, how she regularly consumed alcohol after putting her children, Flynn, born in 1998, and Cy, born in 2003, to bed while living in London. (Macpherson shares Flynn, 26, and Cy, 21, with ex-partner Arpad “Arki” Busson.)

“Often I would drink after I put my children to bed. I would sit down by myself and have sH๏τs of vodka and then I’d write to-do lists and letters to my family. I would do the housework, listen to music until around 11 p.m., then go to bed and pᴀss out,” she wrote, per Page Six, detailing an Alcoholic Anonymous confession. “I would get up in the morning, run six miles, and have a coffee for breakfast. I would stick my fingers down my throat and make sure I vomited three times before I went to sleep. It was always three times.”

At one point, Macpherson wrote that she hit rock bottom while on vacation in Ibiza with Busson and her sons. Upset that she couldn’t join Busson and her friends at a nightclub, she recalled how she tried to open a bottle of vodka. She wrote that she struggled to open it and ended up smashing the top of the glᴀss bottle to open it.

Related: Elle Macpherson’s Biggest Ups and Downs Over the Years

Elle Macpherson has made headlines over the years for both her career and personal life. Born in 1964, the Australian native rose to fame as a model, earning the nickname “The Body” for her tall frame and stunning features. Outside of modeling, she expanded her career into acting, hosting and other business ventures, welcoming two […]

“I hurriedly poured myself a sH๏τ that could have been littered with shards of glᴀss. And I drank it,” she recalled, per Page Six.

After three drinks, Macpherson had a moment of clarity and poured the rest of the vodka away. She booked herself on a flight back to London, where the family lived, and checked into rehab.

“My youngest son was only 6 months old and my eldest was 5-and-a-half,” she wrote.

Macpherson also wrote about how her dependency on alcohol impacted her work. She recalled having a role in the closing ceremony of the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney but missed her cue. “I had drunk enough champagne or vodka to calm my nerves that it had disoriented me,” she wrote.

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“I found myself having blackouts … I would be talking to somebody and then I would forget what I was saying. They would look at me quizzically as if waiting for me to continue,” she recalled another AA confession.

However, according to the Batman and Robin actress, people around her were unaware of her drinking habits because she kept up appearances. “People would tell me I was so organized. I was really proud of that. I guess I had to be organized because I was drinking and I never wanted anyone to know,” she wrote. “So I made sure the house was clean and tidy; I made sure I looked great and I made sure the children were perfect.”

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Related: Stars Who’ve Gotten Sober

Several of Hollywood’s biggest stars have been candid about their sobriety journeys over the years. Kelly Osbourne, who previously talked about being sober for six years, revealed in April 2021 that she had suffered a relapse and was working on next steps. “Not proud of it. But I am back on track,” she wrote via […]

In the book, Macpherson also reflects on her breast cancer diagnosis, which she first revealed in September. At the time, she said she decided not to treat the cancer with traditional medicine. Instead, the model decided on “an intuitive, heart-led, holistic approach” to treatment.

“Every day I actively, deliberately feed my wellness and nurture myself,” she wrote. “Cancer is not an option for me anymore. Like drinking is not an answer for me.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).