Here’s the deal: 

Just before the start of the must-buy, “PSLs are good investments” exhibition game tryouts season, we commandeer an auditorium to conduct a mandatory NFL seminar. Everyone, starting with gutlessly detached Roger Goodell, but especially the NFL’s TV crews — its executive producers, game directors, highlights and promo editors — must attend or risk torture by the repeated private playing of “The Best of Kevin Harlan” disc. 

Once seated, the audience will binge-watch a new series on A&E, “Stadium Lockup,” which closely follows last season’s Cleveland Browns security, safety, surveillance and emergency medical teams during home games. 

And bless their vigilance, devotion to duty and patience to risk ᴀssault by a patron who’s there to drink and fight. And there seems to be dozens of them, especially those who seem obligated to bloody-beat males and females based on their wearing of the opposing team’s jersey.