“For a Moment, I Forgot Ivy Wouldn’t Be Coming Home”: Parents Open Up About the Pain of Meeting Their Stillborn Daughter

Grace Cassar and Chris Cruse experienced one of the most devastating moments a parent can face when a routine pregnancy scan at 29 weeks revealed that their unborn daughter, Ivy-Winter, no longer had a heartbeat.

What began as an ordinary medical appointment at the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital quickly turned into a moment of irreversible grief. Instead of preparing for the arrival of their baby, the couple was confronted with the reality that their daughter had passed away in the womb.

Grace, who was 23 at the time and working as a dance teacher in Noosa, Queensland, later reflected that the emotional impact of seeing Chris break down in that moment stayed with her as deeply as the diagnosis itself. The couple was transferred to Sunshine Coast University Hospital, where Grace spent three days waiting to be induced, carrying her baby while fully aware she had already died.

Those days were marked by silence and stillness. There were no movements, no reassuring kicks — only the absence that confirmed their loss. It was an experience that left both parents emotionally and physically exhausted, as they prepared for a birth that would also be a goodbye.

On March 4, labour was induced. Chris remained by Grace’s side throughout, holding her hand as contractions began and intensified. Despite the overwhelming grief, the couple made the difficult but meaningful decision to meet their daughter after birth, wanting to acknowledge her life and presence.

Grace later described the labour as emotionally and physically overwhelming, with moments of deep distress and vulnerability. She struggled with the reality of knowing her baby would not be taken home, and at times felt an intense sense of helplessness.

When Ivy-Winter was born, the experience brought a complex mixture of emotions. Alongside profound grief, Grace also described a moment of unexpected calm and connection while holding her daughter. In that brief time, Ivy was not defined by loss, but by presence — a baby loved and acknowledged by her parents.

Chris also formed an immediate emotional bond with his daughter, which deepened the grief for both parents. They chose the name Ivy before the loss, and later added the middle name “Angel” to reflect how they came to see her.

The hospital provided keepsakes including photographs, handprints, footprints, and a memory box. Grace later said accepting these mementos was a crucial decision, as they gave her something tangible to represent Ivy’s existence and importance.

The funeral was small and intimate, attended by close family and friends. It was a deeply emotional farewell, with many in attendance moved to tears as they honored Ivy’s brief life.

Doctors were ultimately unable to determine a definitive cause of death, explaining that in some cases of stillbirth, no clear medical reason can be identified. This lack of answers added another layer of difficulty for the grieving parents.

In the weeks and months that followed, Grace and Chris experienced intense waves of grief, including sadness, anger, jealousy, and confusion. Everyday situations, such as seeing other families or visiting baby-related stores, often triggered painful reminders of their loss.

Despite the emotional strain, Grace described Chris as a steady source of support, noting that their shared grief created a bond that helped them navigate their darkest moments together.

While the couple hopes to have another child in the future, they are clear that Ivy will always remain their firstborn daughter. Her memory is not something to be replaced, but something to be carried forward with love.

Grace now speaks openly about her experience in the hope of helping others understand the reality of stillbirth and grief. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the baby’s existence, creating memories when possible, and allowing parents space to grieve in their own way.

Her message is simple but powerful: even in loss, a child remains loved, meaningful, and forever part of a family’s story.